Faith Friday: Dealing with Insecurity
Deni Kiara shares her struggle with body image and reveals how God turned it around.
As a little girl growing up, I've wanted to be the girl with the long hair and the nice figure. I didn't start to sense my low self esteem until I reached the age of 6. I've started to noticed that I wasn't skinny like the other little girls and I didn't see myself as a beautiful image. But I'm so grateful that God accepted me for who I was. God doesn't care about how you look on the outside, he cares about how you look on the inside. That's what counts to him! Peoples outside beauty will pass away but the inside beauty is what stays.
By the age of 9, students in my class began to pick on me. I felt as I were all alone. I realized that when you are going through a situation, you feel like you are the only one going through it. Later on, I realized that many people my age go through being bullied year round, like I did. I'm just grateful that I have gotten through the pain and have forgiven those people. I will never forget the school day when I was 9 years old. My elementary teacher weighed us and she asked us how much we thought we weighed. When she got to me, I told her that I thought I weighed 70 pounds and she quickly said back to me, girl please, you weigh at least 130 Ibs. I also remember the time when my class was during an experiment in the 4th grade. My teacher asked for the the biggest person in the class to come up and everyone pointed and laughed at me. My situation only got worse from there. I was picked on from the age of 9 to the age of 14. Sometimes, I would come home and go in my room to cry. I never once remembered to pray and that was a BIG mistake that I made. I wanted to end my life but I'm so grateful that God didn't see me through the eyes that they did.
I remember being in the 5th grade like it was yesterday. It was towards the end of the school year and I was still being picked on. As I can remember it, it was the day of the awards show. I received two awards that day. Just before my teacher called my name,the boy sitting behind me whispered into my ear and said "Fat girl, Fat girl, Fat girl with a mustache" then he began to laugh. I began to cry in front of everyone and I suddenly jumped up out of my sit and ran to the bathroom. I remember spending a lot of my time in the bathroom. It was my safe haven away from all the hurt and pain I was experiencing. The bathroom was the place where I went to when I didn't have any friends to sit with at lunch or when I wanted to escape the problems at school that I faced daily.
By the time I went to middle school, I was still quiet, shy and extremely insecure. I soon began to get picked on again. I was referred to as a clown because I use to wear so much makeup. I was trying to cover up how ugly I felt on the inside. I began to get fixed on my appearance more than what I did in elementary school. I remember standing outside the school waiting to go to my class, while I was talking to one of my friends. Suddenly, this guy passed me and said "move out the way fat girl". I began to get upset and I started crying. I ran to the bathroom and I didn't come out for an hour. By that time, my counselor was notified. I also remember the time when I was in math class in the 7th grade when a boy behind me yelled out, "Tell that fat girl too pull her shirt down." The students in my class began to laugh and so did my teacher. I was hurt for so long until I let God come in and heal my heart.
When I was going through that horrible time in my life, I felt alone. But I thank God that I'm over it all now. I remember entering the 9th grade with a new attitude. God began to deal with me the summer before 9th grade. I was no longer the insecure girl anymore. I'm a living witness that you can live through the pain that you face in life. Maybe your husband has left you or someone in your life has died. You have to remember that God is still on the throne and he's able to heal you, but you have to let him. God is ready to step in and start the healing process for you. Psalm 147:3 declares that God will heal your broken heart. I dare you to try Jesus! He's the ONLY person that can heal you where you are.