27.6.12

Q&A: Guy Advice for Tweens

Dear Melissa,

I'm 12 and have a crush on this boy who i have known for 6 years. Do you have any advice?


Before I tell you anything, I want you to know that this is big-sister advice, and what your parents say trumps my opinion. That said, I do have some things I want to share with you.


At twelve years old (which was actually when I started this blog!), I didn't think too highly of myself. I had low self-esteem and was scared of anyone being displeased with me. You may be different, but for this reason and others, I think it's best to wait a few years before you start forming romantic relationships with guys. Right now is the perfect time to find out who you are. I know that sounds a little vague, but it's true. Right now is the time to focus on growing your friendships and succeeding in school and discovering who God wants you to be. Adding a boyfriend can be a major distraction, and the chances of a young relationship lasting is pretty low (read: painful heartbreak).

You've known him for six years, so I'm guessing you two are friends. I'm a firm believer in being close friends with someone before pursuing anything romantic. That way, you already know each other fairly well and you don't have to deal with as much awkwardness if you do start dating later.

So what should you do? The simple answer: nothing yet! If you spend the next few years becoming a woman after God's own heart, the good guys will notice in time. (If you're wondering what that looks like, check out Proverbs 31.) Continue to be his friend -- if it's meant to be more than friendship someday, he will pursue you. If God has someone better planned for you, trust in Him. And when the time comes to start dating, wait on Him by praying. If you keep yourself from jumping into things, you won't ever have to jump out.
Do not awaken love until it so desires.
- Song of Solomon 8:4

Do you guys have any extra advice for this lovely reader? Post your thoughts in the comments.

15 comments :

  1. Thanks for this Mellisa. its really helpful. do you think i should tell my parents ????

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    1. That's up to you. If I were you, I'd wait to tell your parents. If something happens later and you know he's interested in you and you'd like to pursue a relationship, that's a good time to tell your parents. While it's just a crush and you aren't planning on going further for now, you might want to wait.

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  2. I'm 15 years old and I've never had a boyfriend in my life! I'm not saying that in a bad way...i'm actually proud of myself. But I'm not saying that I've never had a crush or anything...I had maybe 2 real crushes (the rest are cartoons or actors aka Mickey Mouse, Michel Landon). So girl, don't freak out about having a relationship. You're not alone! I'm a witness there. Just wait on God and He'll show you the right path. Right now just focus on your relationship with God and allow Him to be your Prince Charming. I'm still learning to allow Him to sweep me off my feet and become His whole heartily. Right now just enjoy your time being single and just enjoy your time with God! Don't be in such a rush. Because one you're in a relationship...We have so much time to worry about that later. Boyfriends then breakups equals drama and it will just dramatize your life and leave you upset. I'm not saying boys are bad. God made us to want relationships. But He really wants a relationship with you now. He wants you to love Him with everything you have. Allow God to be your boyfriend!(i know it sounds weird, but it's worth it. I'm still learning) God loves us more than we can imagine so why not give Him back the love He deserves? I'm still learning that. Maybe we can wait together! Trust me...God has a plan for you and it's way better than we could ever imagine. So just wait. There is no rush!

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    1. ^^ True that. ;) I'm sixteen, I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm ok with that right now. There's really not much of a point to dating young, especially if you're not even in high school yet, because you're so likely to break up.

      And of course, if you still like this guy in a few years, let HIM be the man and make the first move. ;)

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    2. And I totally love what you said about God being your boyfriend. It sounds awkward that way, but the point is still there: Our hearts belong to God, first and foremost, before any other person. And the love He has for us is waaayyyy more powerful than anything a human can give.

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  3. Hello Melissa!

    I found your blog via your sweet comment you left on mine. I'm very impressed with your site. And here is my answer to anon's question.

    I was in your boat a few years back so I can completely understand. My first crush happened something like this-

    I liked this guy. We knew each other since the time we were toddlers and grew up together very similar families and we were good friends. Overtime I started to like him. Eventually I found out from friends that he returned my feelings. Time passed and our families grew apart and God started to show me that I needed to let this go. And as hard as it was at the time eventually I did. Now looking back I realize that "we" never would have worked.

    I'm not saying that this will happen to you, I'm just saying that you are young and feelings change. People change. One day you will meet a wonderful guy and you will have a great life together, for now just focus on today m'dear.

    I would advise you to talk to your parents as well as listening to the advice that Melissa and puregal gave. :)

    Keep up the great work Melissa!

    ~Miss RJ

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    1. I totally agree -- don't be closed to possibilities, but be open to other plans.

      Thanks for checking out my blog! It means a lot. (:

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  4. Hi Melissa
    I'm the same anon who asked you the question you did this post on.
    Well today a boy told me that he liked me. I now don't know what to do as yes, I like him but only as a friend bececose at the age of 12 it's not like about to get married so there's no point dating. Plz can you hive me some advice as to what to say to him cos I don't want to hurt his feelings.
    Plz can you reply ASPA as the term ends in 2 days.
    Thank you

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    Replies
    1. If you don't want to date him yet (wise choice), you have to let him know; it's only fair. But do it in a nice way. Be honest -- you like him, but you're not ready to date yet. I can't give you the exact words to say because it's better if they're from you. Don't be harsh, but don't give in, either. And say a prayer before you do. (: Hope this helps!

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    2. I hope I'm not to late to answer you but I'm 12 too. Do you like him??? if you do than just tell him you like him too but you would like to get to know him better and become a little older before you start thinking of dating. If you don't really like him in a relationship way than just tell him he's very nice. You don't have to tell him ANYTHNG until he confronts you or asks you a question about dating or liking him. I hope this helps! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS:)

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  5. I'm 12 just like you and i turn 13 pretty soon. a couple of girls in my grade have dated and all their relationships have gone down:( I think girls shouldn't date yet cause their not ready for a real relationship with someone. I think GOD gave us these years so we can learn about the guy and what he's like. Always remember that dating means you're looking for a spouse. We have a while until that so my advice is just continue to learn about him and become close friends so that when you want to date you'll know him really well and you'll be ready. Hope this helps and rember God is always there for you!!!:)

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  6. hey i'm the anon fromk the oridinal question and i just want to say that i saw this boy again in the summer and i still really liked him however when i retuned home i didn't here from him for 3 monyhs but during that time i read lots about dating ect. and i have made a personal commitment of not dating and purity till the day i get married. he has also emailed the other day and i have decided to givre it a little time before i reply and then be very casual and careful with what i write.
    Also i just want to say thanks to all you lovely people who have given me advice.

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    1. That's awesome! I admire your commitment. :)

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