Purity and True Love

I have a small, hot pink, leather bound journal hidden in a box somewhere underneath my bed. In my first entry, I am 11 years old. The particular entry that comes to mind is dated May 10th, 2006. In fact, I remember writing it as if it was yesterday.
I was curled up between my bed and the wall, which in my 12 year old mind was the perfect place to read.
I had just finished reading the last page of a popular christian pop singer's autobiography, during which she mentioned how wonderful it felt kissing her boyfriend, but that she knew she wouldn't go further. When she wrote that book, she was 17 years old.
I had this sick feeling deep in my stomach. Disappointment. I looked up to this popular singer as a role model, and she had, in my opinion, let me down. Sure, she wasn't Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, or any other so-called "role models" that were pushed on my generation. No, in comparison, she was squeaky clean. But as a Christian, I felt that the bar had been dramatically lowered.

I tore out this little journal, and wrote in my haphazard handwriting, "I promise myself I will NEVER kiss or have sex with a guy until I'm married." And just for emphasis I whipped out a highlighter and went over it several times.
The most ironic thing happened though. The rest of that journal is practically filled with gushing about a guy I knew I couldn't tell my friends about. A guy I was obsessed with for years. One of my former best friends.
See, I think that what happened to me has happened to so many Christian teenage girls. Everyone tells us about keeping our bodies pure. They put so much emphasis on it. And believe me, I know how important that is. But I think the deeper issue is keeping our hearts pure before God.
When I was fourteen years old, my mom brought me to a conference where a lady was talking about emotional purity. I listened, and I smiled and nodded. But in my head I really thought, "Give up crushes? ARE YOU SERIOUS?" See, I found that to actually be fun.
And to be honest, sometimes it is. Sometimes you'll be with your friends, and they will be talking about the latest cute guy, and you'll go along without thinking: "Is there a consequence to this?" And I've found out, there most definitely is.
It gets to your head, and slowly you make a habit of liking someone based on trivial things, such as appearance, or sweet things they did. You slowly lower your standards. It almost always leads to flirting, and flirting I've found to be addictive. Believe me, I know how harmless it seems. It's just fun, you think. I've built up quite a bit of regret in my 16 years on this planet, a lot of it relates to how I've treated the guys in my life.
Just to clear this up, it is not love. It is a "How can you make me happy so I can have an instant confidence boost?" type of selfish gratification.

You want to know what true love is?
True love is something that lasts years and years. True love is my grandfather visiting my grandmother every single day, rain or shine while she was in the hospital. The doctor asked him if he ever went home. He looked the doctor straight in the eye, patted my Nana's knee and said "This is my home".
Love isn't some butterflies in your stomach, or the smiles you exchange. Love is something far deeper.
So how can I give this love, you might be wondering.
It's actually quite simple. God is the author of love. I know most of you already know John 3:16, but it will never stop having such a powerful meaning to me."God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him shall be saved".
See, love isn't something new. Love has been around forever. So, wouldn't it make sense to go to the source of that love? If love is something that concerns you, I urge you to give it to our savior. Say, "God, here is the thing, I really need your help, because…" and explain your situation to him. He created you, and knows exactly what you need, and wants you to have it more than you do. He will also help you keep your mind pure. Because he loves you. Love that never fails. Beat that.

This is a guest post by Jillian.


  1. That is awesome.
    I just recently (last month) gave up my 3 years crush and I am trying to focus more on God and not be soooo obsessed with anyone.I know that my husband will be so much better.
    Great points.Sierra

  2. Sierra,
    Good for you! I know it's hard, but it's worth it.

  3. Thankyou...sometimes I need a reminder that I'm only 15, and I don't need guys oggling after me. I've been a little depressed lately about being 'alone', so this helped. Thanks.

  4. I think crushes are ok as long as there is no obsession. Its natural to have a crush... but you shouldnt act like you have a boyfriend or anything.

  5. I'm glad this helped. (:

    And I think crushes are ok, too. But when they become a priority over God, that's a problem.

  6. I'm 12 and have a crush on this boy who i have known for 6 years. Do you have any advice?

  7. Thanks for the answer it really helped. :)

    1. You are so welcome! Thanks for asking....I love it when I can lend some advice. (:

  8. Ok I'm the same anonymous who asked the question above. I live in africa and over the summer we went to the uk to visit friends and family and for about 2 weeks during that time he told me that he liked me. I know he likes me and I like him and if he proposed I'd say yes but the thing is he loves music and animals and I love children and when I'm older I want to do mission work. I really don't know what to do PLO can u help me

    1. I would follow the same advice I gave you before! And pray! God is always listening. I think we often think of prayer as getting God to go our way, when really it prepares our hearts to go His way. Does that make sense?

      And don't sacrifice what you want for your life for a guy, especially when you're young.

  9. This is great - it can be so hard sometimes to see everyone else holding hands, kissing ect, and I have to keep reminding myself of the two words my aunt told me - "JUST WAIT!" I know God will bless us if we rely on Him rather than guys for our self-esteem, and I want to pray that one day I can look my husband in the eye and tell him that I'm all his.

    This was a real encouragement to keep going, so thank you! xxx

    (Megan D - 16 yrs - UK)

  10. Love this! I remember thinking the same thing as I read miles away by Miley Cyrus!

    1. I haven't read that yet. I'll have to check it out!

  11. Hey. This is a different anonymous then above.... so... your words spoke to me. Jesus is the only one we need. I get it. I started crying... Thank you for writing!!!!

  12. Hey is there any form of email or anything i could talk to you with. I really need some advice. :(


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