12.1.13

Is it Ok to Ask a Guy Out?

 
Tired of waiting on your crush to step up to his rightful position as the man of your dreams? It's tempting to want to kick off the relationship by asking him out on a date, but is that the best way to get a guy?

If I asked you to describe your "dream guy", the word "timid" probably wouldn't leave your lips. For most girls, the ideal guy is a man -- someone who can stand on his own two feet, and help you stay on yours. A mousy personality just isn't attractive in anyone, especially in guys. Yet many girls jump to asking their crush on a date themselves, not knowing that this just encourages the guy to keep up the mousy attitude and put little effort in the relationship.
 
In today's ultra-feminist, 21st-century world, it is culturally acceptable for a girl make the first move in a relationship. Opinions differ greatly on this subject, but I think that it's ok for you to ask a guy out. Notice that I said it was "ok". I don't think it's a sin to ask your crush on a date. At the same time, I don't think it's the best choice for either of you. Why?
 
Men are supposed to be leaders. While girls don't have to be damsels on distress, we need to let the guys do their job. What you don't realize is that usually when a guy asks you out, it's something he's put a lot of thought into. It takes a lot of courage for a guy to ask a girl out. As my friend James told me, "One of a guy's biggest fears is rejection from the girl he likes." He has to get over that fear to ask you out in order to be the man in the relationship. If you do all the work for him, he's going to rely on you for the whole relationship. If you've made it that easy for him, he won't feel the need to do the work it takes to keep you with him.
Another reason to let him take initiative: you don't have to face any painful rejection. By letting him ask, you have the power to accept or decline his offer, and you know for sure that he likes you. No guesswork involved.
 
In short, letting the guy do the asking will help get the relationship off to a great start.
 
 Is it ok to ask a guy out? Share your thoughts in the comments.

20 comments :

  1. You always seem to have wonderful "that is so what I felt!" answers in posts like this :) And as I kinda mentioned (^^) that is really how I felt! Sierra
    Keep growing beautiful!

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  2. This is a great post...I agree. And I have been tempted many times to do the asking myself but always shy away from it. I really feel like it's the man's place to do the asking.

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    1. Thanks! I think so too. I'm fine with girls asking guys out, but I think it just sets the standards for the relationship so much better.

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  3. Great post! I completely agree.

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  4. Wow, this is so good! Fantastic post, Melissa. :)

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  5. Hi! :) I love your blog! You have such great advice!

    ~ Jess
    sixfarawayfriends.blogspot.com

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  6. Hi, what if a guy asks you out and you don't like him, how do you reject him in the nicest way possible but something truthful? Or how do you get out of a relationship if the relationship is boring and going no where?

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    1. Just be honest. My good guy friends James and Zach gave me this advice: A guy will pursue you until there is absolutely no chance of you falling for him, so if you don't like him, be honest and don't let him think you could be interested later. I hope I can give a few more tips later because I've dealt with the same thing!

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  7. Great post Melissa! I completely agree with what you said! I'm glad you mentioned that it's not a sin because, of course, it's not, but I'm definitely not a fan of this new trend in dating.

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    1. Thanks for giving your input! It has worked for some people and that's great, but it just doesn't set the standard for the relationship.

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  8. Great post Melissa.
    I totally agree!
    Let men be men; let them take the step...
    please check out my blog at rockingtherunway.blogspot.com

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  9. I disagree with this article. Often, as I've heard from many of my guy friends, they like women who take initiative. And just because a guy isn't asking, dosen't mean he's timid. What we have to remember is guys are a bit slow and non-understand of girls sometimes (and my friend's 'hints' are about a subtle as a sonic boom, and the guys I knew are still unaware). With my current boyfriend, I took the initiative and asked him to a dance. It was then he realized that all those times I'd been talking to him was me flirting and asked me out a week later, which I suppose that qualifies as both sides being met. At our school, we have a Sadie Hawkins dance and more relationships that are stable and have lasted 2 plus years have came out of the girls taking a chance and were brave (because what kind of guy really wants a girl whose indecisive and would sit back waiting for something they can't be sure will happen). And with the guys not giving 'effort', I don't think that's the case as you make it out to be. That would go both ways, logic says, that on the flip side guys asking girls out would be less effort on the girls part as well. My boyfriend is incredible and gives 100 percent effort and more to me, and treats me like a godess. All these other relationships of the girls asking, in my opinion, have encouraged the guys to give effort because it shows that the girl is serious about beginning something. If a guy isn't going to give effort, then it won't matter if a girl asks or a guy asks the girl- usually it's just not in their personality, or they don't take dating at whatever point seriously. So, if a guy asks you out, then wouldn't it also be logical to conclude that you'd be relying on him for the whole relationship since it's that way when girls ask guys out? That is a hypocritical idea with too many holes to be sound, with nothing to back it up. And girls make it easy for guys without having to ask guys out, and that's called a girl being 'easy'-- with of course, less morals and less willpower. Of the two choices, which both according to society and your article make a girl 'easy' for make it for the guy, I believe that the first is much better, and not making it 'easy' at all, but sometimes even encourages the guy to do better (in terms of asking to a dance during their relationship or on planning things or taking initiatives) because a girl asked them. While I'm totally for the idea of that if something is meant to happen, it will, but I can't help but feel that sometimes there needs to be a little effort on both people's part. Who said also that men are 'supposed to be manly'. I feel this is a totally polarized statement, with little source to back it up. When was this proclaimed? What really defines 'manly', to be honest?A guy asking a girl out? Having 'rippling muscles' or being able to lift weights or something akin? If not, then what? This is a very physical type of statement, and often the personality-wise manly men are not the type of men any girl deserves to date anyway.

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  10. Continuation of above previous statement: . And it's their 'job'? I don't even know where to begin with that statement. Of course, I'm not saying I'd like a timid guy who dosen't act 'manly', because often my boyfriend does, but at the same time it's nice to have the roles switched sometimes because not all men are like that and majority of girls I've met today aren't going to sit around wishing on stars for their only way of waiting. My advice: If you really feel like this may be the one, and you have the courage (it's scary, I get it, but we all have to face fears eventually-I do agree with the statement guys are terrified of rejection, but most girls are not. Therefore, shouldn't we have pity for guys and let them have a break once and a while?) go for it. At least if it's rejection that meets you're face, then you'll know for sure and never be stuck wondering what would have happened or why he never asked you out.

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    1. There are exceptions, and some guys might need a little push sometimes. But I think it's usually best to not be chasing after guys. Thanks for sharing your opinion! You do have some good points.

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    2. I agree with both off you. I think that's its probably good for a guys self esteem to ask a girl out, but at the same time it's definitely not "his job." If a girl wants to ask a guy out I think it's fine for her to go for it; as a Christian I think of the story where Ruth went to Boaz and asked him to marry her at the advice of her mother in law

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